My car died the day after I got married. When I say died, I mean it gave up the ghost. It went to meet Jesus. The prophet Ezekiel talks about a wheel in the middle of a wheel. Well, none of these wheels were moving. I hadn’t driven it in a couple of days because, as a bride, I had been a passenger princess. My brother and my sister-in-law had flown across the country to participate in the wedding. It was only right that I let them drive my car for those days. I didn’t need it.
In case you are wondering, I did not see my car make its great transition. My brother called me. I thought he was calling to check in on my first full day as a wife. Instead, he reported that my vehicle had slowed to a crawl on the freeway. He was trying to make it back to mom’s house. I relayed the message to my new husband and off we went to meet my brother at the house.
My brother and his pregnant bride were safely back at mom’s house when my husband and I arrived. (Yes, I keep saying my husband. My husband, my husband, my husband. Okay. Back to the point of this whole thing.) My husband got in the car to see if he could determine what the possible issue was. My brother tagged along. They didn’t make it very far before it shuddered. And then made its way on to glory. Never to be started again.
While they were outside, I was inside. Chatting it up with the rest of my family that was still in town following the wedding. Getting all the gossip from the day before that I missed. My bestie and her husband dropped by. It was a whole party inside and outside my husband was calling time of death on my car. I was oblivious. Still in my bridal era. Completely unaware that the real meaning of a wife would soon make its presence known. A new chapter of my life was unfolding.
As someone who proudly talks about my love for Christ and my desire to study His Word, you would think I would be better prepared for life as a wife. And you would be wrong. I certainly was not prepared. I mean I know that I have to die to Christ daily and follow Him. We discussed the roles of a husband and wife in premarital counseling. Reviewed scripture. And in hypothetical situations and conversations before marriage, I had the correct answers. In theory, I was prepared to embrace my role. Now on the first day of our brand-new beginning, I was confronted with a very real death.
My husband delivered the news to me in his typical fashion when it comes to car talk. Matter of fact and with tons of details about vehicles that went over my head. When I asked him for the summary, he let it be know that my days of driving my car were done. The only new vehicle that I had ever drive off the lot and paid off. Gone. In the blink of an eye. Yes, we had been together for 10 years but come on!!!! Surely the old girl had a little more life left in her. I needed a vehicle. I had to get to work, and the nail shop, and the grocery store, and really anywhere that I wanted to go. It was my car! In my name!
You may be thinking that I could have taken it to a repair shop and just paid to have it fixed. And I could have. But it was going to cost more than the car was worth. Thankfully, my husband is a car addict. (He will deny it, but the man LOVES cars.) And though I protested him owning so many vehicles, his passion meant that I didn’t really have to worry about transportation. I just hopped in one of his vehicles and drove it. No long talks at a car dealership. No browsing the internet for used cars for sale. What I needed was already right there.
I didn’t know it then, but my car dying was so symbolic of what marriage would require of me. A death. And a rebirth. An ability to align myself with the Word of God when the single version of me would have cursed and rolled her eyes. Because the single version of me would never…..but she is not here. She signed up for covenant. She ugly cried at the altar and bound her life with her husband. It’s not just her way all the time. That part of me had to die.
And just like I mourned the death of my car, I have mourned the death of my single life. Don’t get me wrong. There are a million parts of me that are exactly the same. But there are so many facets to building a life with someone that have made it necessary for me to change. That have made it necessary for me to hop in this new role in life and drive. I don’t need my old mindset. It won’t serve my new purpose. And trying to take it along on this new journey will cost far more than it’s worth.
While this journey has had some unwelcome surprises, it has been far better than I could have imagined. Especially considering that it started with such a dramatic death. Ultimately, I have chosen to embrace this unfamiliar vehicle. I am still learning how hard to press on the gas. I am figuring out how much pressure to put on the brakes before I come to a stop. I am discovering how close I can get to E before I have to refuel. And that comes with time and experience. It comes with driving the car for a while. Thankfully, God had already prepared exactly what I would need. #wepreach
