Hold On

Are you one of those super serious Christians?  Is it hard for you to laugh and smile in the sanctuary?  Does it make you uncomfortable when others joke around with you because nothing is funny?  Bless your heart.  You would not have been a fan of Wednesday night’s online Bible study then.  Although my pastor addressed the serious concerns that face us today, I logged off with a smile on my face and happiness bubbling in my home.

Wednesday night REFRESH was conducted in a question and answer format.  Viewers typed in their questions and pastor responded.  And his answers were rather candid.  The topic of fear and anxiety was raised.  His transparency and candor were much needed and much appreciated.

The fact of the matter is that this is a very uncertain time for the nation as a whole and many of us individually.  The more he discussed different ways that anxiety presents itself, I realized that I have been anxious today.  Today my job announced that they would remain closed until April 20. 

Now, real talk, I started to look for another job as soon as the initial two-week closure was announced.  Today’s announcement sent me into overdrive.  Being without pay for two weeks and being without pay for five weeks are two VERY different things with VERY different outcomes.  Honey, I wasn’t listening for the Holy Spirit.  I was LOOKING for a job!  LOL!

After my job search frenzy, I got on my knees.  I prayed out loud….REAL LOUD.  My cat, Fitz, always leaves the room when I get turned up.  So, I know I had to be getting on his nerves.  I was anxious.  I was uncertain.  I was desperate.

And then I went to online Bible study.  My pastor reminded me that God has not given us the spirit of fear.  And since God didn’t give us the spirit of fear, we don’t have to keep holding on to fear.  II Timothy 1:7 says that “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  So, if I’m going to hold on to anything, I need to be holding on to power, love, and a sound mind.

I’m not too proud to admit that this is a daily walk and process for me.  I have moments when I’m strong and sure.  And other moments when anxiety creeps up on me.  I’m human.  I’m learning.  I’m growing.  It’s all part of the process.  Like I said earlier, by the time Bible study was drawing to a close, I was laughing out loud.  I felt centered.  I felt peace.

I’m not so deep that I can’t connect to my real feelings and emotions.  But I’m also not so in tune with my feelings that I cancel out what God is telling me.  Finding a balance can be difficult, but I’m determined to get there.  Every day is not easy, but every day is a day that’s worth experiencing.  And I, for one, am thankful that God continues to give me things to smile about.  #wepreach