Fresh Manicure
When I was a kid, I was an incessant fingernail biter. Bible Study Mama did not have to worry about keeping my nails trimmed to an acceptable length. NOPE! I took care of my nails all on my own. Now, let me be clear. I was not biting my nails because I did not want them to be trimmed. I bit my nails whenever I was worried. It was a calming mechanism for me. So, my little hands sported some pretty ragged looking fingernails.
At the time that I was biting them, I made no correlation to my feelings. That correlation comes with age and wisdom. It was just something I did. It was just a part of how I functioned. There is a picture of me that was taken when I was about four years old. And I really love this picture. I am wearing a beautiful yellow dress. My face is slick with Vaseline. My hair had perfect parts and the cutest plaits accented with yellow barrettes. I am just adorable! But if you zoom in and pay close attention, you can see that I barely have any fingernails. I bit those things to little nubs.
Life changed for me when I entered junior high school. Not that I no longer had anxiety. No, the anxiety was still there, but I became more aware. All the girls around me were painting their nails and bringing their A-game to school. And well, I did not have any fingernails. I became super self-conscious about my fingernail situation and was determined to kick my habit in the butt. And it was a hard fight. Bible Study Mama offered to buy me some bitter-tasting polish that would help me kick the habit. The taste was supposed to quickly remind me that fingers did not belong in my mouth. I thought about it but declined. After months of fighting my habit, I won. I actually had fingernails.
I am writing this to remind myself that I can do hard things. Even habits that have been engrained into my life. Even those quick fixes that bring me instant relief and satisfaction. I can find healthy ways to address my anxiety. I can make better choices when I feel overwhelmed. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And that is not a cliché. It is a true statement that I have seen play out over the course of my life. In major ways and minor ways too. And when I cast my cares on the Lord, I end up not looking ragged. #wepreach
