The Ties that Bind

Agreeing to disagree is difficult but sometimes necessary.  I hadn’t ever really pegged myself as a person who was even capable of agreeing to disagree.  Because if you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong.  Or at least, I told myself that.

My brother and I had an epic battle.  A battle so huge that I packed up and moved into my unrenovated, moldy home.  A small part of me was hoping that I would get really sick so I could stick it to all parties involved and say “Look what you did!”  I’m just being honest.

Our fight had far reaching effects.  I drew a line in the sand, and our once inseparable trio was decimated.  When there is division in a family, people naturally take sides.  I was about to lie and say that I wasn’t actively campaigning for support, but I’m forcing myself to be transparent.  Because while I wasn’t verbally saying “take my side”, I was verbally pushing my point to anyone who would listen.

And I do mean anyone.  You know my soul had to be vexed if I was sharing my frustrations with people.  As a general rule, I keep my feelings to myself and a select few people.  If you met me during that time, you probably knew that I wasn’t speaking to my brother.  That’s how out of character I was.  Furious and outraged and disappointed and frustrated.

So how did we get from there to where we are now?  Nobody but God.  I always feel the need to put a disclaimer out there that I’m not a super saint when I make these statements.  A super saint wouldn’t tell you that they were ready to physically throw down with their brother.  A super saint would not admit that they have a strong cut off spirit.  I’m good with people until I’m not good with people.  I cut you off.  You get cancelled.  Good riddance.

My brother knows that about me.  I felt he had crossed a line that there was no coming back from.  I felt that he had been blatantly disloyal to the trio.  I felt there was no excuse for his actions.

God humbled me.  Not immediately.  It took a long time.  We went to therapy (yes…paid to have a mediator and we needed it).  We prayed around each other.  I’m not gonna say together because I can’t emphasize how much I was not feeling him.  My mama definitely prayed for us.

If you had asked me, even two years ago, where I saw our relationship in the future, my answer would not have looked anything like our present reality.  He is one of my closest friends.  For years, I tried to parent him and that wasn’t my role.  I had to acknowledge my wrongs and work on me.  I had to stop expending energy working on him and trying to “fix” him.  The only person that I can “fix” is me.  And I can’t even fix myself.  I have to be willing to let God mold and shape me.

Our journey back together was so hard, but I’m thankful that we were able to take the pull.  God knew I would need my brother this year even though I didn’t.  He has called me every day to check to make sure that I’m okay or just to say he loves me.  And those things matter so much more than our argument.  #wepreach