The Quiet

Well, well, well. What do we have here? It’s me. I’m here. November has traditionally been a month that I take time out to share with you just some of the things that I am grateful for. A time for reflection. A time to take a pause and focus on the goodness of God. Even if I am tired. Even if I am busy. Even if I feel that I do not have the time. And right now…especially right now, I just do not feel that I have the time. I am juggling ALL of the things and wondering how to not drop one.  And while I am talented in many areas, I have not quite gotten the hang of juggling.

I came up with many excuses to avoid writing this month. You just read some of them. But truth be told…they are excuses. Because I make time for everything else. I can trim the fat from my schedule. I just choose not to. And if you want me to be REALLY honest, I run from writing. Not because it’s too difficult. Not because it’s too time-consuming. I run from writing because of the quiet.

My constant running around keeps me busy. It keeps my mind occupied. I can focus on the next task. I get to feel totally in control. And I LIKE that feeling. Now listen, I know that God is in control but you are missing the point. I like to FEEL like I am. It’s one of my things. It keeps some of my anxiety at bay. It fuels my movements. And helps me keep running on this hamster wheel that is my life.

But when I am writing, I need quiet. I need to sit still. I need to breathe in slowly. I have to wait. And be attentive to how the Holy Spirit leads me. It takes patience and a willingness to release all my crazy perceptions of control. It takes surrender. And lately, I have not wanted to let go. I have not wanted to give up. I have not wanted the quiet.

And yet, in my whirlwind of a life, with all the noise and busyness, I have felt pulled to get to my quiet place. It’s not an audible voice for me. It is not wind chimes or whistles. For me, it is an unsettled feeling. It is a knowing deep down that I am not doing what am I supposed to be doing.

So today, I can say that I am thankful for the quiet. Which may sound weird, but listen folks, this is my list of gratitude, not yours. I am grateful that God continues to provide quiet spaces for me. And I am grateful that He meets me there. #wepreach