The Waiting

One of the worst parts of the day that Tomica died was the waiting. We waited all day for an update. I am not being dramatic or drumming up the suspense. I mean that we sat together in a family room close to the ICU all day long. They needed to run more tests. And those tests took time. Four bland walls, some chairs, random end tables, lamps, a TV, and tissues. I do not remember if the TV was on or off. I do not remember what we talked about, but I so clearly remember the waiting.

I remember silent prayers and hope. Hoping beyond hope that it all would turn out the way that I wanted it to turn out. I remember texting my bestie and my life group leader for prayer. Anyone who could get a prayer through. I do not remember us praying out loud for favor and healing, but Lord I remember the waiting.

We existed in a space of the unknown that day. We had to wait for the test results. Besides prayer, there were no actions that we could take. So, we waited. What an uncomfortable position to be in. What a glorious opportunity to exercise faith. You know faith, don’t you? The substance of things hoped for…the evidence of things not seen. The report was bad, but we existed and trusted in the waiting. Sweet Jesus…the waiting.

And God answered after the wait. I can tell you that I was not pleased with the response. Or His responses after various other moments that I was suspended in the waiting. I felt my faith slipping through my fingers as sand flows in an hourglass. When would I see victory on THIS side of glory? When would the tide turn in my direction? I was frustrated with the waiting.

The Lord brought Isaiah 40:31 to my mind just now. “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.” The scripture continues and speaks of mounting up with wings like eagles, running and not getting weary, and walking but not fainting. All because of the waiting. The thing that I despise and yet have so much practice with. I have cried and protested. I have stomped and pouted. But I am still here…standing. And dealing with the waiting.

I am quite sure that I am not alone. The waiting can be soul-crushing. But can I share something with you? The waiting showed me who God REALLY was to me. Not a genie who granted my every request. But a loving Father who held me when I did not want to be held by Him. Not a tyrant who slashed all my hopes and desires. But a God that has a master plan. A God that I need to trust because He can see the whole picture. A God that blesses the waiting.