Tough Talk
The crazy thing about trauma is that quite often it takes a long time for you to start acknowledging the effects. For years, I had symptoms and signs of my trauma, but I brushed it off. I chose to not acknowledge those signs for several reasons.
For starters, I was a church girl. And there was nothing wrong with me that the good Lord could not fix. I could pray it away. Or maybe the fault did not lie with the trauma. Maybe the fault lies with me. I was not forgiving enough. I was not loving enough. I just was not walking out my Christian life the way that I was supposed to. Maybe…
But the other crazy thing about trauma is that even if you ignore it, it is still there. And it can build over time. I had such a struggle in my mid-20s. All the hurt that I was determined to ignore seemed to grow larger. And you know the saying “hurt people, hurt people?” I was a walking advertisement. Not to the general public. I perfected the art of being kind to the general public. Part of being a good church girl. But my mom and brother encountered the worst of my attitude.
I wish I could remember why my mom suggested that we go to family therapy. I am quite sure it stemmed from our difficulties relating to each other, but I do not remember the incident that tipped the scales for her. I instantly refused her suggestion. THEY needed therapy, not me. But as I sat back and thought about it, I quickly changed my mind. After all, THEY needed therapy. And if this is what it took to get THEM started, I was all in.
Funny thing happened though. As much as I thought they needed it, I realized that I needed it more. The more we uncovered in family sessions, the more I wanted to talk to a therapist WITHOUT them. I had some real work to do.
Therapy has shown me myself in ways that I could not have anticipated. In good ways and in concerning ways. It has challenged me and affirmed me. It has confirmed that God cares enough about me to make sure that all my needs are met- mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. The church girl has learned that it is okay to not be okay. Today, I am grateful for therapists and all professionals who work in the mental health field. And everyone around me is grateful for them too. #wepreach
