A Walk

I took a walk yesterday. Actually, Bible Study Mama and I took a walk yesterday. Walking has been our thing for years. Specifically, Saturday morning walks. For years, Bible Study Mama, Tomica, and I would walk on Saturday mornings. You probably couldn’t tell that by looking at us…then or now…but it’s true. We would roll out of bed on Saturday mornings and meet up by the river to get our exercise on. In later years, more cousins joined us. It was a tradition. A jump start to the weekend and a promise to ourselves to do better and try harder to push away from the plate next week. It was a time to catch up and get some fresh air. Unless it was extremely cold or hot, we met, and we walked.

When Tomica died, I was not sure if I would ever be able to walk by the river again. For some, that is extreme, but it is my truth. Our lives were so enmeshed. I was having THE hardest time with everyday functions. Walk by the river???? Get out of here! And then three weeks after Tomica’s funeral, Bible Study Mama, Ari, and I met up at the river on a Saturday morning and went for a walk.

We had decided that life was for the living, and we were going to do our best to live. While on our walk, we saw the FATTEST red bird in the history of red birds sitting in a tree. We looked at it. It looked back at us. Just to be clear… seeing red birds was nothing new to us on our Saturday morning walks. While it wasn’t something that occurred each time, it happened often enough for us to create a tradition. Anytime we saw a red bird, we would say it was my great-grandmother checking on us. We would holler out “Hi Mama Patra.” And then everyone would try to spot the bird that person saw. If there was more than one, we would pick another family member that had passed on to shout out in addition. So when we saw that big bird sitting in the tree that day, we all said “Hey Tomica” and finished our walk.

That was our last walk for the year. Not because we saw the Tomica bird. Nope. We stopped walking because my Aunt Linda died that same afternoon. And then my Uncle Chauncey died the night of my Aunt Linda’s funeral. We stopped walking because we did not have strength in our legs. Grief had me in a choke hold and would not let me go. For over a year, I avoided the river. You could not make me believe that I would ever have the urge to walk.

Yesterday was overcast. Gray. A little cool. And absolutely beautiful. Other people may not have thought so, but it was to me. The birds were swooping over the river. A light fog was dancing through the sky. The wind whipped on our faces going and pushed us on our backs on the return. We cut 6 minutes off our usual walking time. My lungs were burning. Sweat poured off my face. My legs asked, “What are we doing girl?!?”. My heart asked the same question because yesterday marked the 2 year anniversary of Tomica’s death/transition. And yet, somehow, I was able to walk.

Let me clear up any confusion. The “somehow” for me is my faith in Jesus Christ. You know that poem “Footsteps” or “Footprints”? The one with the person that is looking at their footprints in the sand with their walk with the Lord. Sometimes there are 2 sets of footprints in the sand. At other times, there is only 1 set of footprints in the sand. The person feels like God abandoned them at those times. God clears up the confusion. He lets it be known that at the times there are only one set of footprints it means that God was carrying the person. They were never alone. God took care of the walk for them. And He took care of the walk for me until I had strength in my legs again.

I took a walk yesterday. I scrolled through old videos and pictures. I remembered my cousin. I laughed. I cried. I talked to family and friends. I prayed. And I know that I did not take that walk alone. Many people that loved and cherished my cousin went on a walk yesterday too. If you don’t have strength in your legs just yet, know that the Lord will carry you. And I am rooting for everyone to be able to walk. #wepreach