We Fall Down

Let me tell you about the weekend that I fell off two very different stages.  That may actually be the reason that I’m not a big fan of heights.  No one has ever accused me of being graceful…LOL.

I was in the ninth grade.  Ninth grade me had a cute bob haircut.  I was a big fan of lining my lips with brown eyeliner and then applying lots of lips gloss.  I would rub my lips together to smudge the liner a bit.  I was also into getting my nails done.  Professionally.  Acrylic, of course.  They weren’t long, but they fit my look at the time.  That was life for me.

My school had an awards ceremony that Friday.  I don’t remember what the occasion was, but I do know that I was receiving an award.  So, I put on a yellow dress and some shiny gold flats.  (I cringe when I think of this, but let me continue this story.)  I’m not big on being in front of crowds of my peers.  My name was called, and I walked across the stage to receive my award.  Phew!  What a relief that it was over!  And then I started to descend the stairs.

Remember those shiny gold flats that I told you about?  Not only were they shiny and gold and flat, but they also had very slick bottoms.  I stepped on to the first step and slid right on down to the bottom.  Actually, it was more of a tumble.  I smudged my lipliner AND broke a nail!  It was painful on many levels.  Big girls don’t cry, and I’ve always been a big girl so I held it together.  I told myself that something more interesting would break in a couple of weeks and people would forget about my epic tumble.  Besides, I was starting a weekend of Girl Scout camp that night.  Surely, that would be better.

My Girl Scout Troop was the best!  We were so confident in our troop that we had perfected a performance for camp that weekend.  Baby, we refined this rap.  Everyone had a short verse.  The Cadettes were going to set it off!  I got in the van with my broken fingernail and set off for the back woods of Arkansas.

We settled in at camp in our cabin.  Then we had time to practice our performance.  We got on stage and let the rhymes flow.  I was watching everyone practice.  My back was turned towards the pretend audience.  For some reason, I kept stepping back further and further.  I’m sure I was trying to see the big picture.  I kept stepping back until I stepped right off the stage.  Thankfully, it wasn’t that big of a drop.  But it still hurt.  Two falls in the same day.

I wish those were the only times in life that I had fallen and embarrassed myself in front of a crowd, but they aren’t.  I have perfected the art of falling and standing up quickly to assure everyone that I’m alright.  Even if it hurts.  I tell myself to shake it off.  And I nurse my wounds in private.

As I’ve grown older, I see the value in saying “it hurts” out loud.  Right in front of people.  But I had to grow into that.  Honestly though, falling so much has taken the sting out of some of the falls.  Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the hurt will pass, and I actually will feel better.

Lately, I’ve had a sense of falling and failing.  A desire to be better but continually missing the mark.  So, I guess this blog is a reminder that it will get better.  I might fall, but I’ll get up.  And so will you!  #wepreach