Push

This blog was born after a period of intense pain.  I suppose it’s kinda like childbirth.  You push and groan.  You think that you will never make it through and then, there it is, your beautiful baby.  I suppose I am a bit like a teenage girl that does not think her actions all the way through.  I was not prepared to be a mother to this blog.  I did not ask for it.  And yet here I am.  The parent of a child that needs nurturing, love, and care.

If I am perfectly honest with you, over time, it has become much easier to share the messier parts of my life.  Everyone has pain and disappointments.  Sharing those bits has been difficult, but I always walk away from the laptop feeling lighter.  And a little more free.  This blog is my baby, and I want it to grow and flourish.  I want others to be blessed by it.  But I realize that like any good parent, I have to push this child to explore new parts of the world.  New parts of my world.

With that in my mind, I have decided to push myself to share about my current season in life.  I feel like this man in my life right now is it for me.  It is scarier to write that in black and white than it was to tell you about my old embarrassing heart break.  Maybe because that deed was wrapped up and certain.  This is fresh and new…it makes me feel vulnerable.  What if it all goes wrong?  Then it will be forever emblazoned on this blog.  But what if it all goes right?  Then it will be forever emblazoned on this blog.

And this blog is about my life.  Good or bad.  Happy or sad.  Right now, it is happy.  Very happy.  Right now, it is hopeful.  Very hopeful.  I am committed to documenting my life every step of the way.  But honestly, if you read the blog regularly, you probably have noticed the uptick in my positivity.  I mean the few times that I wrote in the month of November were VERY chipper.  LOL.  Bible Study Brother’s offer to write for November came at the perfect time.  It gave me the opportunity to feel my feelings in private.  Because when I get to this laptop, it all comes out.  I cannot help it.

That is the thing about being used by God.  I do not have the option to choose what I give birth to.  He plants the seed and holds my hand while I labor through the process.  My prayer is that I can continue to push and give birth to a beautiful new beginning.  #wepreach