Fumble

I can’t remember if I shared this before, but I have visual perception issues.  I’m using fancy words to tell you that what I see in the mirror is not what I see in pictures.  In the mirror, I’m not bad looking.  I love my body shape, and I’m cute in the face.  But baby, when I see pictures of myself, I get slapped back into reality.

And that’s a curse, because I love pictures.  I like documenting my life in film (or digitally nowadays).  Looking back at my life gives me joy.  I like seeing young Sareta in her 20’s with her friends.  Or even elementary school sassy pants me.

I showed my sister-in-law the picture attached to this blog, and she said it was beautiful.  I pointed out my fat arm and just my overall fatness.  I let her know that it was alright but all I could see was my fat arm when I pulled the picture out of the envelope.  You can’t see my full arm because I cropped some of the picture. (Don’t judge me…judge your mama). She asked me if I was being fumble (fake + humble = fumble).  Or she may have said fodest (fake + modest = fodest), but I got where she was coming from.

I explained that I had seen another lady’s picture before I pulled mine out.  Her picture was GORGEOUS!  So, I was excited to see what magic the photographer created.  And, I was initially disappointed.  I told ya’ll I got issues.  I had to say “thank you” when the picture was complimented without the extra commentary on my flaws.

If you’ve read “Little Eye,” you know that I’m excellent at pointing out my flaws.  I don’t need any help.  Now that people know I have one eye that’s smaller than the other, they can’t help but to search for it in any picture.  LOL.  But I’m not excellent at searching for everything that’s right about me.

So, I had to look at all the great aspects of the picture.  My eyebrows look really good.  Smile is on point.  You can see my mole on my cheek.  When I do my makeup, you don’t see the mole.  And, I like my mole.  I just look happy.  And at peace.  That’s what makes it a great picture.

My initial reaction was a fumble in the true meaning of the word.  I’m working to retrain my mind.  To appreciate each moment as it is.  Not as I thought it should be or even as I wanted it to be.  I hope you’re able to do the same.  #wepreach