A Better Way

Writing has not always been a form of release for me. I grew up watching soap operas with my great-grandmother, Ma Patra. I do not really recall the actors sitting down to write heartfelt letters each time they felt something strongly. I remember them screaming. I remember them yelling and speaking passionately about whatever was on their mind. Honey, we watched our stories religiously, and I soaked it all in. By the time I moved in with my mom and stepfather, I had a million ways to express my emotions.

I stepped into my new home fully locked and loaded. Now, please do not get the wrong impression of me. I did not fly off the handle all the time. I was an obedient kid. HOWEVER, I was a kid that truly felt my emotions. Like all of them. And if I was feeling them, I wanted you to feel them as well. Sincerely.  Every ounce of pain or dismay I felt would be on display. I cannot tell you how many times I ran from the room crying and flinging myself across my bed.  And sobbing…loudly. It was much. Too much.

Instead of beating me until I was black and blue (because listen…I was too much), my mom sat with me and told me that there had to be a better way. She bought me a journal. She told me that anytime I felt really big emotions I should write out my feelings. Not slam my door. Not throw myself across the bed. I just needed to write it out and close the book. After a good night’s sleep, I could read what I wrote, and we would talk about how I was feeling.

Did it work? I would say so. It gave me a chance to process my emotions. I had the opportunity to unleash every frustration and later reflect on the true issue. I wish I could remember the things that would send me into a tailspin. And I wish I could read the younger me journaling out my frustration. The fact that I cannot remember lets me know that those annoyances were just that…annoyances. They were not earth-shattering events by any measure. I just needed help filtering the way I reacted when things did not go my way.

How do you handle the moments in life that do not go your way? You may not be like the younger version of me. You may retreat and get quiet. You might drink your way through a whole six-pack. You may eat until you are stuffed.  And I am not asking from a place of judgment. I really want to know. My go-to coping mechanism lately has been one of retreat. I sit in quiet and let life keep going by.

But just like my mama told me all those years ago, there has to be a better way. And I am slowly coming back to my personal better way. I get it. Life hits us with daily annoyances and then sucker punches us with the big disturbances. Sometimes, we don’t even have the breath to scream or pitch a fit. But I also believe that we all can make a choice to keep going. We can make the decision to find a better way. My prayer for you is that you can break the destructive cycles in your life. I pray that each day you make choices that lead you down the path that God has in mind for you. I pray that you lean into God’s better way. #wepreach