Desperate for Jesus

Desperate.  Seeking.  Longing.  In need.  Those words perfectly describe the condition I am in right now.  The crazy thing is that I was unaware of just how desperate I am.  I’ve been off for the last couple of weeks and really tried to put my finger on it.  I rationalized some of my emotions, but there was still a tug.  A pull.  A feeling that I could not get a handle on.  Then I attended the Desperate for Jesus conference that was hosted by Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship virtually this weekend.  And I was finally able to name that mysterious feeling that had been permeating my life.

Years ago, I attended this conference in the flesh.  Beth Moore was the speaker.  Bible Study Cousin and I eased on down the road to Dallas.  At this point, we had done several Beth Moore Bible studies.  We were excited to hear her speak in person.  As soon as we walked in the doors, we knew that we were in for a dynamic experience.  The whole place had a sweet spirit.  Smiling faces abounded.  I left the conference refreshed and renewed.  The same can be said for the experience that I had this past Saturday.

I could go on and on about the conference.  I could tell you every person’s story, but instead, I’ll just tell you about one part that touched me.  The speaker was describing a difficult time in her life.  She was in a dark place and ready to give up.  She had a love for Jesus, but she was tired.  In her sadness, she wondered if this was really supposed to be a part of her story.  Surely, the kind and loving God that we serve did not mean for her struggle to be part of her story.

Ultimately, she concluded that even the messy, ugly, unfair parts of her life were meant to be part of her story.  That God was a masterful author, and He was writing the story.  That all things, even the disheartening things, work together for the good of those that are called according to His purpose.  I needed this reminder because I am struggling with parts of my story.  And I did not even realize it until I heard her say that out loud.

Let me just say that I am glad this was a virtual conference, because baby I was over here ugly crying.  Each speaker was able to tell their story with clarity and purpose.  They were able to remind me that I have a purpose.  I am valuable.  I am loved.

While I write pieces of my story out daily, there are many parts that I do not share.  The hidden things that are reserved for me and God to talk about.  You know…the parts that I really want Him to revise.  For some reason, He does not take kindly to me wanting to edit His work.  He is not amused with my attempts take the pen out of His hand and jot out my thoughts on how the plot line of my story should evolve.

See, I have been desperate for control of my story.  I have been desperate to feel that God hears my requests for rewrites.  And Saturday shifted my focus.  I must be desperate for Jesus.  #wepreach